Faithless Heart
by llAurorall
Summary: This time, Rachel is the one doing the cheating. - A twist on a familiar theme. Future AU. Q/R


Faithless Heart

The hall clock chimed the first early morning hour. Its mournful echo filled the apartment, ringing off the walls long after the hour passed.

Outside a thunderstorm was raging. Lightning illuminated the grandiose living room in brief flashes as rain lashed against the windows. It was the perfect counterpoint to Rachel's mood as she nursed a drink. The amber liquid burned as it went down and that helped too.

Rachel could freely admit that she could be a selfish and often unremorseful person. She had proven that to herself and others, all through her life. She had mellowed a little coming out of high school; learning what real friendship was worth. It steered her away from repeating the same mistakes again. There were better ways to get the things she wanted and at-least try to do the right thing.

All of her past failings paled in comparison to her latest.

"I can be so cruel," she said lowly, refusing to cry for her own self-loathing. "What was I even thinking?"

She had not been thinking. That was the crux of it. She had overindulged and surrendered. Everything at the time had felt so perfect, so indescribably right, she had not wavered. Only after the betrayal was realised did she sob into soiled sheets.

Unbidden, memories of her indiscretion returned. The fine hairs on her neck spiked as she remembered desperate sounds released into her shoulder. The glass in her hand fogged with heat. A blush climbed her chest that was now heaving. She weakly bit her lip to fight it off. Under her nightgown, she was restless again.

She swallowed another tumbler of bourbon and grimaced against the sourness. It was cathartic, in a way. It helped to refocus her thoughts where they should be; on the woman that had left their apartment in floods of tears hours earlier. She poured herself another.

Another thing Rachel had never been very good at was lying. Her sins were written on her face the moment she consummated them. It was one thing to lust for another woman. Another to taste her. And she had, in every wicked way she could dream of.

As soon she had come home, her secret was out. Her guilty face opened her up for suspicion. The bruise under her collar and lingering perfume did the rest. There were tears and screams and the resounding slam of the door as it nearly came off its hinges.

Another burst of light filled the room. She had to look away from her reflection in the window.

From the corner of her eye, she glanced a magazine on the side table. Her face adorned the cover, smiling and indomitable. The article was new. Inside she had run-on, at length, how her career was assured by her talent and not whom she chose to sleep with. She described her relationship with her female lover as comparable to any other. It did not define her. She was in love with her best friend. That was all anyone needed to know.

How easily it had all fallen apart, and in so little time.

A single night. A phone call for lunch. A drink too many and a comfort long thought lost. She had fallen readily.

The key in the lock made Rachel jump. She put her drink down, heart in her throat. She rose to meet her wronged lover, hopeful but accepting whatever was about to happen.

"I thought you'd be asleep," Alice said. Rachel could not see her face, hidden in the shadows. She heard her smell the air. "You've been drinking."

Rachel did not deny it. "I was worried. The storm..."

"Took an umbrella."

"Oh..."

Rachel waited, heart pounding. Lightning seared through the window and instantly Rachel could see Alice had been crying. Her pale skin was marked with angry red tracks. Her dark hair fell limp and wet around her face. She was the picture of misery.

"I'm sorry," Rachel said. She meant it. She would hate herself for a long time over this.

"What are you sorry for?" Alice wiped another traitorous tear from her face that made Rachel ache to go to her. "Sorry that you cheated on me, or that you got caught?"

Rachel shrank back. The shock clearly shone on her face. Alice sneered bitterly even as the tears continued to run in torrents down her face. "You're sorry you got caught," she said dejectedly. "Maybe not even that."

The first tears rolled down Rachel's cheeks. They burned as they went. "I love you."

Alice sniffed her tears back. "I know."

"I don't want to lose you," Rachel said, daring to come closer. She reached out for Alice who leaned toward her helplessly. "I love you."

"You love _her_ too," Alice said. Rachel swore she could hear both their hearts break. "I don't want to share you." Her gaze burrowed into Rachel's, willing her to feel as she did. "I _can't_."

Rachel gathered what was left of her courage. "And you can't forgive me either."

"Should I?"

"No." Rachel swallowed. She put the necessary distance between them. "I know this is wretched of me and that you might not ever believe me, but I never meant for this to happen."

Alice hugged herself tightly. "I never saw it coming," she whispered. "I thought we were happy."

"I never saw it..." Rachel echoed.

The following silence was broken only by the rolling thunder outside. It echoed inside Rachel's chest where a gaping maw was opening up; the place Alice used to be.

"I have to go," Alice said, her voice broken. She looked anywhere but at Rachel.

"You stay." Rachel edged around Alice, heading for the door. "This is my fault," she said resolutely. She lingered for a second, letting the finality of the moment settle. "You shouldn't be the one to suffer for it. Not anymore than you already have..."

She grabbed her winter coat from the rack and slipped her bare feet into a pair of old walking boots. It was all she had time for before retreating into the night. It was still raining hard and she was sodden before reaching the end of the block. It occurred to her there was only one place she could go.

There was only one person in New York she could go to in the middle of the night.

Loose change in the coat pocket earned Rachel a taxi ride. She spoke only to give directions and left the taxi without returning the driver's cordial goodnight.

They had pulled up outside a set of high-end apartments. Rachel buzzed her way up, on autopilot. Before she knew it, she was stood outside a familiar door. Her hand shook as she lifted it to knock.

Cursing and stumbling came from inside the apartment. Rachel heard the light flick on and braced herself. When the door opened, her world narrowed. Nothing else existed.

"Rachel?"

Rachel did not trust herself to speak. Her lips trembled. Before she knew it, Quinn had pulled her into her arms. Home.

"It'll be okay," Quinn soothed, drawing Rachel into her apartment. "It'll be okay."

"No, it won't." Rachel clung tighter, knowing it was selfish. "It's already too late."

Quinn cradled Rachel as close as possible. She knew she should feel guiltier about what happened; about the affair that had taken place in the bed not ten feet away. She should feel guilty about the other woman who was no doubt crying across town. It was not there. All that mattered was Rachel had run to her and no one else.

"I'm glad you came," she whispered.

Rachel felt it, but she could not say it. "It feels like..." She laughed bitterly. "It feels like I'm cheating on her. Again."

"I won't touch you," Quinn said gently. She retreated to give Rachel space. "No matter how much I want to."

Rachel looked at her sharply. Guilt swelled in her throat. She thought she might be sick. "This was a bad idea." She turned back to the door.

"Rachel, stop." Quinn waited, heart in her throat, for Rachel to stay. "I'm sorry," she said honestly. "I never wanted this. But I do want you. I came back to New York for _you_.

"I read your article..." She took a deep, measured breath, letting the calm fill her up as much as possible. "I read about how you were in love with this woman and everything in your life was perfect. I was _happy_ for you," she said, welling up. "I was so happy for you, Rachel. But there was this big, gaping pain inside me that I just thought was normal." She sobbed. "Then I realised it's not normal to feel like you're dying every day."

"What are you saying, Quinn?"

"_I_ love you," she yelled. Everything was becoming unbearable; her feelings for Rachel, her guilt; the longing finally realised. "God, how can you be so blind? I loved you back in high school. I didn't even know what I wanted to do with my life then. But I do know I wanted you. I wanted you more than I could stand!"

Rachel staggered back into a wall. Her coat groaned as she slid down it. "How can I...?" Her voice was scratchy. "How can _you_? You can't just drop this in my lap Quinn and expect everything to be okay!"

"I didn't come back to ruin your life. I came back to fight for you. When I saw that I was going to lose you forever..." Rachel looked up at her disbelievingly. "Last night was an accident." She bit her lip. "A wonderful, mind-blowing accident. I just... I saw you again, and the way you looked at me... Rachel, I've been waiting for you to look at me like that for years."

"Look at you how?"

A grin worked its way over Quinn's tear-stained face. "Like you wanted me, as much as I want you."

Rachel shied away. Quinn crossed the room on shaky legs. She knelt at Rachel's feet, bracing her hands against her knees. Slowly, she pulled them apart so she could slip forward. She stopped within breathing distance of Rachel's mouth.

"I'm going to fight for you," she said. "Look at me, Rachel." Rachel met her gaze slowly. She looked so lost that Quinn reached out, cupping her face. "I am," she promised. "Believe me. I'm staying."

"I do," Rachel said eventually. Her eyes flickered all over Quinn's face. "I do." She did not understand why, or how she felt better even in a wave of heartache. But she did; Quinn always brought that out in her.

They kissed slowly; deeply. Rachel fell back to the carpet and let Quinn push her coat from her shoulders. It did not fix anything or make their mistakes undone. But if Quinn was willing to fight for her, Rachel was too.

_Aurora_


End file.
